Everything...but the kitchen sink.

Everything is bothering me. Everything being our too-small, one-bedroom apartment, which make Sophia's night-wakings nearly impossible to ignore, our stupid house in Arizona, and our even stupider mortgage, the weight that I want to loose but still haven't lost yet, the clutter, the wall-paper, the fact that all our stuff is in storage, and I have to work all nights this week and Mark is going away AGAIN this weekend, and the refrigerator light that doesn't work, the stove that only has one rack, the stupid florescent lights…Everything that I push down because it's "materialistic" and "trivial," and "There are so many more important things in life," and "There are so many ways that you are blessed!"

I try very hard to be content with everything I DO have (family close by, a loving husband who serves me in so many ways, a beautiful daughter..) but sometimes you can only distract yourself for so long from the things that REALLY bother you. And then when you loose focus of the blessings everything comes bubbling to the surface and the emotions are undeniable and you can help but just FEEL them. That's what the past two days have been. I can't even chalk it up to PMS, since I haven't had my period yet (and haven't in a really long time--like, years--which is why Sophia was a surprise).

As you can imagine, I've been a bit of a grump. Which is why, when Sophia woke up early this morning at 6am. I headed straight out for a run--running is such good therapy for a cluttered mind. I took in the gorgeous morning, said "hi" to other people walking the cemetery, and laid out all my problems before God (not that He didn't already know--I'm sure He heard me ranting last night). It shifted my focus off all the negative things on which I have fixated for the past few days, and made me realize how blessed I really am, especially with the ability to run. If I didn't run, I'm not sure how I would deal with life.