My runs on Wednesday and Thursday of this week could not have been more polar opposite.Wednesday I found myself speeding around the indoor track of my alma mater (The University of New Hampshire), hugging the curves, chasing down the straightaway. Grateful for the opportunity to run on a track in the middle of winter. Thankful for the way the babysitting came through. I was working hard but loving every minute. I LOVE the track. I LOVE running hard. I finished the workout spent and tired. And Wednesday night I crawled into bed with that wonderful fatigued feeling of a good, hard run.

Thursday morning I crawled out of bed with that terrible fatigued feeling of a night's sleep interrupted by little ones. I tried to ignore the fact that it was 10 degrees outside and pulled on All The Layers. I dawdled at the back door delaying my exit from the warmth of my home by trying to decide which setting my red light should be on. Should it be steady? Should it be flashing? Perhaps the setting where it trickles down like a waterfall? An important decision that took about ten minutes. F-i-n-a-l-l-y I opened the door and walked out and willed my feet to move down the drive way to the road. And almost before my run started I wanted it to end. I was cold. Stiff. Tired. The whole run was a struggle. I struggled to move forward. I felt slow and sad and cold. It's really the first "bad" run in a while. I'm sure the tired and slow had something to do with the hard effort from Wednesday. And I'm OK with slow and tired. My body probably needed a recovery pace, since that's the first legit track workout since October. But recovery pace and 10 degrees do NOT go well together. You never really warm up at recovery pace when it's that cold. I tried to pump my arms harder, pick up the pace a bit just for the sheer purpose of warming up. I wanted to quit. Not just quit the run. But quit completely. Why do I do this? I thought. What is the point of these running goals? These dreams. Why?

I didn't come up with any answers. I tried to encourage myself with the fact that there will be bad runs mixed in with the good ones. And once I let go of it I found my focus shifted. I started to think of my family and friends and finished of the run in reflection and prayer for them. I turned the corner to come down the hill to my home to witness a beautiful, flaming sunrise.

Winter running is tough. I think it causes many runners to question why? Have you been asking yourself why? When you have a bad run what keeps you going?

--Sarah

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